


Temptation

by Comicsohwhyohwhy



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, Bull also needs all the hugs but well, But also, Canon-Typical Violence, Dorian needs all the hugs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Getting Together, Getting to Know Each Other, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Trespasser Spoilers, just hurt, not a happy end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-21
Updated: 2015-11-21
Packaged: 2018-05-02 04:29:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5234120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Comicsohwhyohwhy/pseuds/Comicsohwhyohwhy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dorian doesn’t know where this is going, but he can’t imagine not having this. And that is dangerous territory, he knows it.</p><p><i>Temptation</i> would be his downfall, the graveyard in the Fade had said. Dorian should get out while there is still time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Temptation

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading through it, [laire](http://archiveofourown.org/users/laireshi/pseuds/laireshi)! And also, I totally blame you for that terribleness!

When Dorian first meets the Iron Bull, he is intrigued. The Bull is big, even bigger than he expected a Qunari warrior to be. Dorian absolutely refuses to identify the little twist in his gut whenever he looks at Bull as fear, but he does find himself turning around to check up on him when they are in battle together more often than he cares to admit.

Whenever he looks, Dorian can’t help but notice how Bull is infuriatingly shirtless _all the time_. He’s a warrior, he should wear armour – instead Dorian’s eye meets only a big expanse of well-sculpted muscle.

It’s very annoying.

Dorian can’t stop himself from goading Bull, trying to get some reaction out of him. He just can’t make sense of the Qunari, doesn’t understand what is going on behind those chiseled features.

Bull, however, seems to meet all of his jibes with cheerful indifference, at most making some rather harmless jokes in retaliation.

“We have a Qunari spy amongst us, an actual Qunari spy. That doesn’t strike _anyone_ as a bad thing?” Dorian exclaims as they are wandering the Exalted Planes, another typical place of southern loveliness and rustic charm full of corpses.

Bull rumbles a little laugh. “Says the ‘Vint. When we’re fighting… ‘Vints.”

Grudgingly, Dorian has to admit that he might have a point. But that doesn’t mean he has to like it.

 

***

 

Dorian doesn’t really know when it happens, but at some point the jibes and goading turn into flirting. Not the most refined kind of flirting, granted, but clearly flirting.

He is half exasperated and half flattered by Bull’s clear interest in him. If only the brute could stop implying that this crush was somehow reciprocated.

“Nice staff, Dorian. Spend a lot of time… polishing it?”

Dorian groans.

 

***

 

Dorian groans as he feels Bull’s big hands on his body. They are in Bull’s room, and Dorian is a bit hazy on the details as to how this came about, but he is not exactly complaining.

Bull straddles him and looks down at him appreciatively, tongue between his teeth.

“Such a pretty mage.”

This time, Dorian groans in frustration. “I am well aware of my finer qualities. Would you be so kind as to get on with it before I think better of what we’re doing here?”

Bull gives a hearty laugh, and then, Dorian doesn’t have much time for thinking better of it, or thinking at all.

 

***

 

After that first night together, there’s a second one, and it leaves Dorian completely winded and boneless, in the best way imaginable. To his own mortification, Dorian actually falls asleep in Bull’s bed after the act, big arms encircling him.

When he wakes up in the early hours of the morning and feels the warmth of Bull behind him, all around him ( _that man is a living furnace_ , he thinks), Dorian takes immediate action. He scuttles out of the warm bed, collecting his clothing, shivering all the while.

At the door, Dorian turns back for a moment, and he thinks he catches a glimpse of an open eye. But when he focuses, Bull’s eye is closed, his breathing even.

He is sure Bull will be relieved to find him gone once he wakes up. After all, this is no more than a slightly ill-advised and embarrassing two-nights-stand.

Dorian carefully slides the door shut behind him.

 

***

 

It happens again, and then it happens again, and Dorian begins to seriously question his life choices. _A Qunari_ , of all people. A Qunari who is clearly very proud of bedding him and lets the whole world know.

It’s not as if Dorian had a problem with living his sexuality out in the open like that in any case, but no, to make matters worse, he had to go and hook up with an _indiscreet Qunari_.

But all his complaining notwithstanding, Dorian has to admit that the sex makes him feel good. Very good, indeed. It works against the terrible southern cold and all that.

And in his more honest moments, Dorian can admit that Bull is nothing like Dorian had expected. All that strength that Dorian had been exhilarated, but also scared at having turned against him…

But then it turns out that the Bull is careful, measured in all he does, seeming to get most of his pleasure out of giving Dorian pleasure.

It’s disconcerting, but Dorian decides not to think too much about it. After all, there are enough other matters to think about.

 

***

 

When Dorian returns from Redcliffe, he immediately retreats to his nook in the library, hiding behind thick tomes on ancient elven history. The books effectively hide what he is sure must be an abysmally unhappy expression on his face.

Dira comes to talk to him, and she’s – nice. Dorian is very surprised at how nice she is, as a matter of fact. He is sure that that scene with his father was nothing she had ever wanted to witness. And anyways, Dorian’s problems were his problems, he really had to try and keep them out of the Inquisition.

Dira leaves, and hours pass. Dorian isn’t thinking much, trying to suppress the memories that haunt him now, unbidden. He isn’t really reading – his eyes have been skimming the same page for a long time.

Suddenly, he hears heavy steps coming up the stairs. Dorian quickly wipes his eyes and lowers his book to see the Bull standing there, in full fighting regalia.

He looks sheepish. The big oaf actually looks _sheepish_.

The Bull clears his throat. “So… How are you?”

Dorian can’t suppress a bitter little laugh. “So gossip is already spreading, eh? I am fine, Bull. But don’t waste your breath pretending that you care, I know why you are here.”

Something like pain passes over Bull’s features, but before Dorian can get a better grip on it, it is gone.

“And why would I be here, then?” His voice is perfectly even.

Dorian sighs and looks to the ground. “Because you want me to come to your room, of course.”

He hesitates for a moment, not sure if having sex now is exactly what he needs, Bull fucking all thoughts out of his head, or if he should rather try and get some sleep. By which he of course means cry some more. Giving it closer thought, the first option sounds more appealing.

“I’ll come in a moment. You go ahead.”

When Dorian looks up again, he sees that the Bull’s eyebrows are drawn together. He scrutinises Dorian, then he holds up his hands.

“Hey, we don’t need to do that, big guy. We can just talk, or whatever you want.”

Dorian stares. It’s kind of sweet, really, that Bull should offer to spend time with him that does not involve nakedness. But he’s not desperate enough to search comfort about his meaaaan Dad from a Qunari, thank you very much.

“No, I’ll be with you in a moment. Go ahead.”

Bull hesitates, still looking skeptical, but then he makes an affirmative sound, turns on his heel and leaves.

 

***

 

When Dorian enters Bull’s room, he is surprised to find him still fully clothed. So far, things have moved faster than that.

Bull gestures towards the bed, and Dorian starts undoing the straps on his trousers, as usual. But suddenly, he feels a hand on his shoulder.

“Nah, just remove the top part.”

Dorian rises his eyebrows questioningly. What new game was that supposed to be?

“I’m going to give you a massage,” Bull rumbles.

Dorian is nonplussed at that. A massage. That is a lot more… tame than everything else they have done so far.

Bull notices his confusion, of course he does. He sighs and there’s something like sadness in his eyes. Then he begins very gently moving the hand on Dorian’s shoulder down his back and up again, and Dorian actually flinches a little at the tenderness of the gesture.

“Look, I don’t think you actually want to have sex right now. You are all tense. Try and relax.”

Dorian closes his eyes against the sudden sting in them. Without a word, he turns around and bares his upper body.

Somehow, he can’t find it in him to protest, to assure Bull that he doesn’t have to treat him like some fragile thing. It seems easier to just… do what Bull says.

When he lies down, hiding his face in his arms, Bull pours some oil and starts very slowly rubbing his back. With absolute certainty he finds the points of tension in Dorian’s body and massages them until they seem to give up and just disappear.

Dorian’s head is thrumming, and he feels himself becoming more relaxed, going soft under Bull’s deft hands. But it also makes him feel raw, lowers his defenses.

A little sound escapes Dorian’s mouth, he’s not sure if it’s one of pleasure or closer to an aborted sob, but Bull just bends over him and presses a kiss to his shoulder, light as a feather.

Dorian doesn’t know what to do with that sort of tenderness.

When the first tears fall, Dorian can’t seem to stop anymore. He comes apart under Bull’s hands.

 

***

 

Dorian discovers that Bull is gentle in more ways than one. He listens to his story, not interrupting Dorian even once. He does not offer half-cooked comfort or banalities, the way most people would. Instead, he openly says that what Dorian’s father tried to do is terrible and that he’s sorry, and it sounds like he means it.

“Some things can’t be fixed,” he says darkly, when Dorian talks about his hopes for his relationship to his father improving. Dorian realises he’s talking about more than just Dorian’s own story, but he doesn’t ask. Bull has done him the courtesy of waiting for him to talk without pressuring him, and Dorian will do the same.

Dorian did not expect that sort of reaction from someone to seeing him in shambles like that, let alone someone like Bull. He has learned that he’s a pain in the ass when he’s emotional, always too much to deal with for people, so he taught himself to shut up.

But Bull… Bull doesn’t seem to feel that way. Bull listens and offers comfort, he seems to care, to genuinely want to help Dorian, even though there is no need for him to even concern himself with Dorian’s problems.

And despite all his sympathy and care, Bull doesn’t treat him as if he were breakable, not during that discussion, not after it.

Dorian begins to realise that the Bull is a lot more than he might have given him credit for.

 

***

 

The magic cackles all around them. Dorian throws up a barrier just in time to stop a projectile from the army of Bolters approaching them from hitting Dira. He can feel the drain on his mana; this fight had better be over soon.

Right next to him, Bull is slaughtering the approaching Sha-Brytol like he was born to do it. In fact, he was of course bred to do it.

Dorian focuses on shielding him and the rest of the party – in some fights involving a lot of long-distance shooters, that is the best tactic. Suddenly, there’s a whizzing noise in his ear and he turns just in time to see a Bolter lower his weapon.

Dorian pulverises the projectiles rushing towards him at the last second, the barrier over the party flickering. But Vivienne should take over should he not be able to keep it up, so they should be fine.

There’s a loud bang and Dorian gets thrown backwards. He sees Vivienne catapulted into the air by what must be another Earthshaker, disappearing behind a pile of rocks. Dorian tries to cast, to keep the barrier steady, but he must have badly hurt his arm, he can’t seem to channel the mana −

Bull isn’t far from him, and he turns around at the scream that Dorian only now realises left his mouth. There’s a Defender coming in from the side, and instead of trying to repel it, Bull seems utterly focused on Dorian, expression concerned. He takes a step towards Dorian just as the Defender raises his sword.

Dredging up the last of his mana, Dorian fadesteps right into the Defender. The blow meant for Bull hits his right shoulder and there’s pain, only pain −

He hears someone curse, then there are strong hands catching him, then there’s blessed unconsciousness.

 

***

 

When Dorian wakes up again, slowly moving towards consciousness, he first hears what appear to be loud snores. He opens his eyes, very slowly, to find himself in what must be the healer’s tent in the Deep Roads.

His whole body is buzzing. They must have drugged him up to a ridiculous degree, because Dorian knows he should feel like shit. Instead, he feels as if he were floating.

There’s a weight on his hand, and when he looks, he sees Bull’s way bigger hand curled around it. He twitches his fingers and Bull startles awake.

Bull seems to pass right from sleep to total awareness as he takes in Dorian’s face, his faint smile. His concerned look slowly fades as his eyes light up. He squeezes Dorian’s hand tightly.

“You are such a dumbass, big guy. You’re not a close range-fighter, I am.”

Dorian tries to answer, but he only croaks. He frowns and clears his throat.

“If you were any better as a close-range fighter there’d be no need for me to interfere.”

Bull chuckles fondly and shakes his head. He raises his other hand to Dorian’s scalp and slowly drags his fingers through his hair. Dorian sighs and leans into it, tired as he’s ever been.

Before Dorian drifts back to sleep, there’s one thought coming to the forefront of his mind. He knows that from now on, he will always be scared of losing Bull.

 

***

 

There are good days and bad days, days when the fight seems hopeless and moments of exhilaration when the Inquisition manages to overcome another unlikely obstacle, but one thing is a constant: Bull at Dorian’s side.

They fight together, they sleep together, they talk and help one another, and Bull is endlessly kind and patient with Dorian even when he really doesn’t have to be.

Dorian knows he can be an idiot, overcome with issues he foolishly seems to be unable to deal with, and some moments all he needs is strong arms to hold him close, a hand carding through his hair, not expecting anything from him. And Bull obliges and doesn’t seem to mind at all.

Against all expectations, Dorian finds himself _happy_ in the South, happy while trudging through endless swamps or snowdrifts, just happy. It’s almost embarrassing.

He has even stopped minding Bull boasting about their… liaison to everyone within earshot. There’s something nice about feeling that someone is actually proud of being with you.

Dorian doesn’t know where this is going, but he can’t imagine not having this. And that is dangerous territory, he knows it.

 _Temptation_ would be his downfall, the graveyard in the Fade had said. Dorian should get out while there is still time.

 

***

 

Bull starts calling him _kadan_ , and Dorian is afraid to ask what it means. But there’s tenderness in his eyes when he slides his hands over Dorian’s neck, chest, and lower still. Dorian feels as if he can’t breathe.

 

***

 

After yet again almost losing him, Dorian sits at Bull’s bedside at camp, letting his head hang low. The oaf is still out, after running into an army of Venatori heedless of the fact that he was completely overpowered. Dorian was only glad that the Inquisition employed some competent healers; in combination with Stitches, they had managed to fix him up.

Dorian looks at Bull’s face, unmoving in the dim light. Without thinking about it, he puts his hand on Bull’s and cradles it.

When Dorian is almost drifting off, still stroking Bull’s hand, he hears a shuddering breath. His eyes snap open to see Bull slowly open his own, blinking confusedly up at the ceiling of the tent.

Dorian exhales slowly. Then he bends over Bull, whose eyes track him after a moment.

Dorian frames Bull’s face with his hands and whispers, “Never do that again, Amatus.”

Bull gives him a hazy smile.

 

***

 

Bull brings Dorian a dragon’s tooth, and finally, Dorian finds out what _kadan_ means. And instead of scaring him, it feels just right.

 

***

 

They’ve been together for a long time, longer than Dorian has ever expected himself to be with one person (granted, that wasn’t a long time to begin with, but still). Dorian actually feels… comfortable with having someone who really cares about him and is not ashamed to tell the world.

Then the Chargers die.

Dorian thinks he might be in shock. He knew Dira was tough and that her priority was winning the fight against Corypheus, for which a Qunari alliance would be of great help. But he’d also thought that she and Bull were friends and that that would keep her from making that call.

It didn’t, and Dorian feels as if his thoughts were wrapped in wood-wool.

He knows he should talk to Bull, but the moment he approaches him the figure of the big Qunari gets tense and turns away. Dorian doesn’t dare intrude on the things that must be going on in his mind.

Bull has always given him all the time in the world to come to him when Dorian wanted to talk, and not earlier. He has to repay that favour.

He considers casting a spell on Bull to relieve some of the pain, but he knows very well that he cannot do that without asking him first and that he would say no. If he would even talk to him at all.

So the party marches through the rainy meadows of the storm coast, up beautiful hills and down again, and no one talks. Dira is up front, walking briskly. Dorian wonders how she feels. But he can’t talk to her, not after what happened. Maybe he will understand one day, see how she felt the hard call was the right one to make, but Dorian doubts it.

When they arrive at Skyhold, Bull turns in the direction of his room without a word. Dorian wants to follow, but the Qunari walks too fast for him. When he reaches the door, it is closed.

Dorian knows how to take a hint.

He keeps his distance.

 

***

 

Bull is different after that, for a long while. He seems to perpetually escape Dorian’s grasp. Even when they talk, he seems oddly indifferent, joking lightly and never touching upon what happened. He sits alone in the tavern, mostly, now that his companions are not there anymore.

Dorian knows that Bull has to face what has happened, eventually. But until he does, maybe Dorian can just make him feel better, the way Bull made him feel better long ago, at the very beginning of their relationship.

But no matter how much he pleads, no matter what and how much of himself he offers, Bull doesn’t react. He drinks in the tavern and goes back to his bed in the middle of the night, alone.

After a long while, Dorian gives up. He understands he can’t make this right, the way no one could fix what happened with his father. Maybe only time can.

 

***

 

One day, Bull knocks on Dorian’s door in the middle of the night. When Dorian opens, he catches his lips in a bruising kiss.

The sex isn’t as gentle as it had often been, but Dorian knows Bull needs this now, and he is happy to oblige.

 

***

 

Things go back to normal, or as normal as they ever are in the Inquisition. Bull seems… better, a lot better. They share laughter and affectionate nights again, and Dorian can’t quite believe how happy that makes him, after months of worry and loneliness.

Bull still doesn’t talk about the Chargers, but Dorian wants to give him his time, he really does. It will happen, he’s sure of it: until that day, Dorian is happy to just be there with and for him.

 

***

 

The Inquisition wins, and the ensuing party is glorious, all laughter and exhilaration. Bull and Dorian are in one corner, talking to Josephine, until the ambassador has to attend to some other guests.

Once she has left, Bull tugs on Dorian’s sleeve and wiggles his one eyebrow in the direction of what is now their shared bedroom. Dorian rolls his eyes, but he can’t stop himself from grinning like a crazy person.

When they lie in bed afterwards, sated and happy, Dorian becomes reflective. He knows that he will have to make a decision soon.

The Bull, perceptive as always, looks at him questioningly.

“What’s up, kadan?”

“I… Now that we have dealt with Corypheus, I think I have to finally take responsibility. I keep on complaining about Tevinter, but I do nothing to change it.”

Bull smiles gently. “You’ve just disposed of the evil Tevinter magister, kadan.”

Dorian sighs and doesn’t even bother to correct Bull, pointing out that it had been a group effort after all. “I know, but Tevinter is still swarming with Venatori and other idiots who think the old Imperium should be restored, whatever that even means. Lies, all of it. And there’s slavery and blood magic and…”

Bull interrupts him. “I know how you feel. But don’t leave right now. Take your time and let’s talk about it.”

Dorian smiles, despite himself. Bull clearly doesn’t want to lose him, not yet. And Dorian is more than inclined to give him his way.

Just a little longer then.

 

***

 

Eventually, Dorian makes the decision that he knows he must make: he returns to Tevinter to become ambassador. Josephine is horrified.

This new life of his isn’t too bad – even if dealing with Tevinter politics is incredibly exhausting, he feels he can actually make a difference with what he does, and it involves a lot of travelling.

Bull was happy with that decision, eventually. The travelling means they see each other frequently, and even if the weeks apart hurt like hell, Dorian always has something to look forward to.

He doesn’t know how he would get through yet another discussion of Tevinter’s rules on slavery if he didn’t.

 

***

 

Dira calls for help, and even though Dorian has felt distanced from her ever since the sacrifice of the Chargers, Dorian comes – of course he does, it is the Inquisition that needs him, after all. And Bull will be there.

They share a long, passionate kiss at Halamshiral right in front of everyone, and Dorian doesn’t mind one bit.

The first night Bull and Dorian make love, Bull seems even more urgent than usual. He claws at the sheets and almost rips Dorian’s costume. Dorian tuts.

“Careful, Amatus, I need to look the part of ambassador here.”

Bull smiles, but when Dorian straddles him to take off the costume himself, he sees that he looks haunted. Dorian frowns.

“What’s up?”

Bull’s features seem to morph; his eyes become hazy with lust, a way more familiar expression.

“Nothing, kadan. Just trying to enjoy every minute that I have with you.”

Dorian shakes his head fondly. He knows Bull’s habit of not opening up about everything that bothers him, but ultimately, it doesn’t matter. Bull has been raised differently and functions differently, and Dorian can accept that just the way that Bull can accept Dorian’s issues.

Instead of pressing the matter, Dorian grins slyly and holds up a hand, violet sparks erupting from it. Bull looks at it, transfixed. After his initial doubts, he has come to love Dorian’s magic and how he can play Bull’s body with it.

“I know just the thing to make you enjoy this fully, Amatus.”

He brings his hand down to Bull’s shoulders and Bull groans his name.

 

***

 

“Nothing personal, Bas.”

Dorian feels as if someone had dunked him underwater. Bull is looking straight at him, but there’s no affection on his face. He seems completely emotionless.

It must be a ruse.

It cannot not be a ruse.

Then Bull strikes.

Dorian doesn’t raise a hand to defend himself. But Vivienne does, so the blow hits the barrier instead of Dorian’s body. Everything shakes and the force of the blow throws him to the floor.

Had Vivienne not cast that barrier –

Dorian can’t do anything. He lies on the floor, helpless. He sees Qunari approaching from the top of the room and hears Dira cry out in fury.

Suddenly, Bull’s face swims into his field of vision.

_He’s going to say it was all a joke. A bad joke. ‘It’ll be alright, kadan’, he’ll say._

But Bull says nothing. He has his lips clenched shut and raises his axe again.

Dorian closes his eyes.

There’s a metallic noise and a scream, then Dorian sees Bull’s axe fly over him into the opposite corner of the room. Someone must have shot it out of his hands, probably Varric –

“Dorian, get up!”

Sera’s voice startles Dorian, the urgency with which she says his name – _she never says my name_ , he thinks dimly – breaking through the trance he seems to have fallen into. He shivers and tries to get up.

Cassandra is suddenly next to him, offering an arm to help him up.

“Dorian –”

There’s pity in her eyes, but before she can say whatever she wants to say she gets smashed out of the way by a Qunari warrior.

They are encircled, and Dorian sees Dira trying to tackle Bull with her daggers. But there’s another fighter behind her.

For a second, he considers casting a spell to knock her out of the way, she is attacking _Bull_ , after all.

But Bull –

Bull called him “Bas”.

Instinctively, Dorian casts a barrier over the Inquisitor. Bull looks at him then, their eyes meet, and Dorian knows he must be crying, but he doesn’t care. There’s still no trace of emotion on Bull’s face.

There’s an explosion behind him, and Dorian gets knocked into the opposite wall. Everything hurts. He should defend himself, he knows he should –

A warrior with a raised broadsword approaches him, probably to deal the weak mage a finishing blow. They must think he’s a joke, but there’s nothing that matters less right now.

But then, the Qunari gets shoved out of the way and Bull barks something in Qunlat at him. Hesitantly, the warrior nods and turns away. Now Bull is approaching him instead.

When he’s close enough for Dorian to see every detail of the war paint on his face, he leans in, and for one absurd moment, Dorian thinks he will kiss him, the way he has done so often in the past.

Bull puts his fingers around Dorian’s neck and starts squeezing.

Dorian feels his eyes almost pop out of his skull, but there’s nothing he can do as Bull’s grip only grows stronger.

And for the first time, there’s a trace of desperation in Bull’s eyes.

Maybe there’s a reason Bull has chosen to try and choke Dorian, of all things. He could have chopped his head right off. But that wouldn’t have given him time, would it.

He feels tears running down his cheeks as he tries to channel mana from deep within him.

He can’t –

He has to.

He gathers all of his magic into one mighty spell, one that would be enough to kill several people at once. This has to be quick.

As the mana soars in the air around them, Bull closes his eyes for a second and looks almost content, and Dorian thinks back to the night before.

Then there’s only blood.

 

****

 

Dorian has always been scared of losing the Bull in battle, but not like this. Not by his own hand.

He doesn’t register much of what is going on around him after that. He knows some other members of the party must clean up the remaining Qunari, but he doesn’t care.

Dorian slumps against the wall, a high buzzing noise in his ears.

He can’t think. When he wants to raise his hands to his temples, massaging there to make the sound go away, he sees that they are dripping with blood. Bull’s –

No. He can’t think that. He can’t.

After what could have been everything from a few minutes to a few hours, Cassandra is next to him. She opens her mouth to say something, but he shakes his head.

Vivienne approaches, imperious as always. He doesn’t know if they saw, if they saw what he did to B- to Hissrad. But Vivienne is very sharp and seems to understand what happened immediately as she takes in the scene. A look of shock passes over her face.

He can’t take it. He can’t take any of it. He needs to be away from here, far away, but he doesn’t have the strength to move, and everything is soaked in blood, and he can’t –

Vivienne’s eyebrows are one harsh line when she raises her staff to cast.

After that, Dorian doesn’t remember anything.

 

***

 

When he wakes up again, he’s in a camp. Cassandra is at his bedside, reading what must be one of her stupid books.

Dorian tries to stay calm, but he feels panic constricting his chest. He takes a strangled breath and Cassandra startles.

“Dorian?”

She leans over him, the way Bull had leaned over him, and maybe she will try and strangle him as well, and Dorian can’t breathe –

Her face is gone, and he hears shouting. Other people run into the tent, strong hands are trying to restrain him, and now he realises he is thrashing, but he has to run, run until he just falls down and never gets up again –

He feels magic in the air, there’s blackness approaching, the comfort of not thinking, and Dorian feels himself get dragged down, down, even further down, until there’s nothing in his world that hurts, nothing to remember, nothing to forget.

 

***

 

Dorian gets better. Not well, but better.

It takes weeks of sleeping potions and calming potions and who-knows-what-else-potions, but slowly, he can breathe again.

His friends are constantly there, looking haunted, but they are there for him, and Dorian is more grateful than he could ever put into words.

At times Dorian wonders if Hissrad ever really cared for him, or if it was all just a show, from the very beginning. It probably was. He knew no one would care for him in that way. Why did he let himself believe otherwise?

Dorian tries to tell himself it doesn’t matter – isn’t most of life a show anyways, and either way, this business is done with, forever.

One day, he mounts the barricades of Skyhold. As he opens his hand over the abyss, the dragon’s tooth falls, and falls, until it disappears from sight.

It doesn’t matter if Dorian is crying. There is no one there to see.


End file.
